Sex With A Female Avatar
Yes, I did that too. A report about how it feels to be in Second Life as a man with a female avatar would not be complete without researching that topic … a lot.
I do like sex and erotic roleplay in Second Life and I do write about it from time to time. So I was curious to find out what would change the experience for me if I was playing as a different gender.
The short version, did sex feel different with a female avatar?
Yes!
Was it good and fun for me?
Also yes!
So what is different?
The basics are the same two pixels having sex .. pixelporn.
Watching that does not change if my part in that is male or female or differs in its gender from mine.
The difference starts when you go to the next level: emotes and immersion. Caroline and Jess both wrote good articles about the fine art of emoting. You can find them here and here. Immersion, for me, is the degree to which I identify with my character or avatar. For me, that varies with the intensity of a scene and the quality of emotes being shared.
If all goes well I feel like my avatar, I feel like it is me fucking there. This does not happen often but it’s a great experience when it happens.
When playing with a female avatar that hasn’t happened for me yet. It’s harder to reach that state with a different gender I guess. But still, with a partner who is skilled at emoting and/or an interesting scene, sex with a female avatar was exciting and arousing. It is maybe a bit more like the cooperative telling of an erotic story.
I met a guy who was into elaborate roleplays. He wanted me to drive a wedge between him and his girlfriend. Tease him slowly seduce him, make him crawl to me, and beg me to fuck him. We played several sessions building up to that final act of him betraying his girlfriend and it was very steamy and hot.
Immersion still happens for me with a female avatar but on a different level. My female self acts, feels, and speaks differently than my male self. But immersion has its limits as stated above. For me, that was not that much of a problem. I don’t get into that state often where I identify with my character 100%. Maybe it’s the way my brain is wired maybe it’s part of a self-protection mechanic. But I don’t need to be 100% in my character to have an arousing sexy time.
Another thing that is different when playing with a female avatar is the emoting. I had to learn some new ways to emote and a new vocabulary. Of course, being around in Second Life for a while and knowing some very skilled emoters, some of which like Brooke, Caroline, Chandra, Christina, Jess, and Lumi can be found at Candys Hotel helped a lot and I borrowed from them.
The last thing I encountered as different is that I often found myself in a more passive position than with my male self. Many guys expect to be in charge when it comes to sex. Not necessarily in a D/s way, but well they expect to be on top so to speak. Which is something I had to adapt my playstyle too.
I did find out that my female self does like to be pushed around by strong hands who know what they want. I joined a few hook-up groups like Use me for Quickies. One evening I met a guy there writing he was horny and needed a quick fuck. I wrote to him and he send me a teleport to his location. I arrived there wearing only some sexy lingerie. Within minutes of my arriving, he had me pushed onto my knees and his hard cock was using my mouth. He then tossed me on the bed and ripped off my lingerie fucking me wild and hard, covering me in cum. He was very skilled at emoting and it was hot playing that scene, where I only reacted to what he did to me, urging him on to get even wilder.
My female self also has developed this vicious streak where she brings out her claws leaving her mark on her lover’s back or holding them down while she rides them to get herself off.
Also, the dynamics changed. As a male, I have to pick out a girl I find hot and try to get her attention hopefully leading to us having sex. As a female, if all went well I had the attention of several guys and I had my pick with whom I wanted to have fun with. This has happened to me as a male also, but more with my female self.
Exploring Female Kinks
I did try my hand at some female kinks to get a feeling about them too. Those being rape-play and sex work.
I did become a member at Street Whores and spent time standing at the corners waiting for customers. There I met some nice colleagues and we spend more time chatting and gossiping than with actual sex.
Many of the girls I talked to weren’t in this for the L$. They did it because they liked playing a hooker and liked the feeling of men desiring them so much, that they are willing to pay for them.
From my limited experience, I would say being in sex work just for the money can become frustrating pretty quickly. There are a lot of sex workers and customers are rare at times. So I spend a lot of time doing nothing but chatting with the other girls and some guys who then went with other girls. So some of the hours I put in earned me nothing.
But the community is great and I learned more about the female side of sex work in Second Life. For me as a guy hiring an escort is a shortcut to getting what I want .. sex. Instead of putting in the time and effort to seduce a girl I pay her and have my fun.
From a female perspective, there is some kind of power exchange at work. Sure I get paid and provide a service, but I also have something that the man desires, wants, in fact, wants so much he is willing to pay me to get it.
My experience with rape play has been limited, so I could not grasp why it appeals to females. I looked up rape in the search engine and went to a few sims dedicated to it. I experienced two things. One is guys complimenting my looks and asking for sex. Which is pretty much off the point I would say. The other is guys putting my avatar on sex furniture and silently doing their thing. Which wasn’t doing anything for me and I can’t think that women get into that kind of behavior. I can only guess that a rape scene played well appealing to the fascination of losing control of what is going to happen.
Why Play Cross-Gender?
In the beginning, I wrote that there are many reasons for cross-gender play. I will list some of them I could find out in no particular order.
- You want to experience Second Life but not be bothered by horny guys constantly asking you for sex. Judging from my experiences I would say that is a pretty good reason to play a male avatar while actually being female.
- You like the idea of styling an avatar of a different gender. Again from my experience, it was a lot of fun building my female self, and seeing how she develops. From what I could gather from the forums I think some folks agree that this is a fun pastime. Caroline got one of her alts Leila exactly like that. I am not sure how much these alts actually get out and play, be it in an adult or purely social way.
- You want fast access to sex. Since women have easier access to sex this could work for a man wanting sex quickly and often.
- You like the idea of the experience or the role-playing challenge. Well, that’s basically what drove me to it. That and being curious.
- You might be on a search for your sexual identity. I could imagine that someone who suspects they might be transgender could dip their toes in the water and give that a try. This being a theory I will provide updates if I can talk to someone who did it.
The Stigma Of Cross-Gender Play
Yes, besides all those reasons I quoted above, there is a stigma associated with cross-gender play. Especially when it comes to sexual situations. My male avatar has 2 friends who openly play cross-gender. One actually has her background story written about it. Being a male nerd who in a quest to become more popular developed a drug that turned him into a sexy female with increased libido. I find this an interesting concept to base scenes around and have fun playtime. I asked her how people react to her being played by a male. She told me the reactions covered the whole spectrum from finding it cool to aggressiveness and insults.
I needed to put that to a test and placed my female avatar in an adult sim and changed my profile so it said “This avi is run by a male player”. If someone proposed sex to me I told them what was up. This of course is just a small probe, but the reactions I got confirm what my friend told me. I had people who did not care as long as I stayed in character, but also got insulted and accused of cheating.
I find these reactions a bit strange. To me, Second Life is all about fulfilling your wishes and doing things you can’t or won’t do in real life for various reasons. Especially when someone who in his profile claims to be a vampire tells me I am cheating and basically scum because I as a man play a female avatar.
Of course, there are boundaries you should not cross when playing cross-gender. One of them being relations. One woman I talked to told me about being partnered to another woman for almost a year before finding out her partner was played by a man. This step should require the honesty to lay your cards on the table. I would hope most people who engage in cross-gender play have the sense to do so.
Conclusion
I really did enjoy my experience and I think I have learned a lot about what it means to travel Second Life with a female avatar.
Women in Second Life from my experience have a lot going on in their IMs and get contacted a lot, often by men interested in sex with them. Those requests often take a strange or funny form. They seem to be under a lot of pressure to always look perfect and be available for sex.
I enjoyed my experience. I loved building and dressing my female self and I became an avid shopper myself on the way.
From a roleplaying point of view, I enjoyed how my female self began to take form and become her own person, make friends and get herself into some crazy adventures.
The sexual aspects I found most intriguing. In the beginning, I figured it would be weird having sex with my female self, but as it turned out it was as fun and arousing as having sex with m male self, just a bit different.
The whole experience also changed my look on alts. I always figured, why have an alt? Now I know it can be quite liberating to not be yourself in Second Life but someone else for a while.
While I do understand some of the reservations against cross-gender play I would argue that most users are sensible enough to be responsible. We all want to have fun here and live our fantasies. If another person’s fantasies aren’t your thing be respectful, let them have their fun, and search yours somewhere else.
I might actually get my female self out once in a while and play her again for a while.
