Second Life Noobs [+ Hilarious Videos]

Leila and a classic noob in Second Life.

If you chose Firestorm Social Island as your starting point for a “never-say-no-challenge,” you are doomed to have to deal with the most gullible and hilarious species that roams Second Life:

Noobs.

Noobs are not yet integrated into our self-declared elite society of Second Life residents of those in the know.

They have no idea about our customs and social habits and even less about the unwritten social norms of Second Life.

Most of the time, they do not even know the written rules, as they are ignorant about the TOS (terms of service).

Why is that? You might ask yourself.

Very simple.

They think Second Life is a game designed solely for their entertainment. They call it a game and behave as if it were.

Just in case you are a noob yourself: Read this guide to avoid the most common mistake the typical noob makes.

Firestorm Social Island attracts noobs in hordes. The reason behind this is that the actual purpose of the island is to help and mentor noobs in Second Life.

Mentoring Second Life noobs can be a daunting proposition and a Sisyphus task. I have a lot of respect for those volunteers on Firestorm Social Island. Sometimes I feel pity for them.

The horny male noobs are typically very direct in their approach when they see an attractive avatar. Maybe they think having sex gets them to the next level in the “game,” or it gets them points one way or the other.

They finished the level “learn how to undress and get a free cock” and are now trying to finish level “use the cock on somebody and get off.”

Most of them just want to get off, watching semi-interactive pixel-porn. They do not even expect much interaction, such as emotes or roleplay.

It was a matter of time before I ran into one of them.

“I want to have some fun with you.” Was that noob’s opening line (about two weeks old)?

“Define fun,” I wanted him to specify.

“I want to have sex with you.”

“It’s your lucky day. I am on a never-say-no-challenge; I can not refuse. If I do:

Game over! I would have to start again.

That is the language a noob understands.

“Do you have a place?” I enquired, knowing he didn’t, but I was curious what he came up with.

“I send a teleport,“ he confidently answered.

Guess where I landed.

Yes, in a fucking furniture store, at Dutchies’s, to be precise.

I tried to explain:

“Listen, this is a furniture store. People come here to look at and eventually buy furniture; it is not a sex hotel. Don’t you know a discrete skybox?

He stood there already naked.

Of course, he was wearing an erected freebie penis, which didn’t match at all with his skin tone, the typical equipment of a noob hunting sex points.

He insisted:

“ There is nobody here, and it is exciting. Come take your clothes off too and join me.”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t want to spoil my challenge for this. I knew this was going to be over quickly anyway. Noobs don’t need long to get off.

I did sit on that bed in that friggin furniture store and let him have his way with me.

When he finished (yes, it did not take him very long), I quickly dressed and teleported away. I wanted to avoid that he sent me a friend request because he wanted to fuck me again the next time he would be online.

I managed to escape on time.

The last thing I did was to give him the link to our guide about how to have sex in Second Life. Maybe he reads it, maybe not. Maybe it helps, maybe not.

Hey noob. Yes, you are probably reading this. I have a few tips on what not to do when trying to have sex in Second Life.

Avatars represent people. They are not just characters in your game.
Invest some time in your avatar, and try to get a normal-looking penis as well.
Furniture shops are not an appropriate place to bring your date.

Does anybody else want to add to this list? Feel free to do so in the comments.

Bonus:

This hilarious video was made in Second Life about a guy dealing with noobs. It is probably the best Second Life parody I have ever seen. Make sure you watch part 2 of it as well. It gets even better.